


that same, tired dance again

by bathroom_mirror



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Gender Dysphoria, Misgendering, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29349435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bathroom_mirror/pseuds/bathroom_mirror
Summary: so yesterday i was thinking about how i wanted to write something ned/jacob/both after finishing (watching) Syndicate. i couldnt come up with anything though, partly because i dont think i have a good grasp on either of their characters yet.but then my brain woke me up today with this idea. just shoved it on me and shook me awake. so, best to start somewhere, i guess?anyway here's probably the millionth fic in the Ned tag about dysphoria(he deserves better than this.)
Kudos: 1





	that same, tired dance again

**Author's Note:**

> so yesterday i was thinking about how i wanted to write something ned/jacob/both after finishing (watching) Syndicate. i couldnt come up with anything though, partly because i dont think i have a good grasp on either of their characters yet.  
> but then my brain woke me up today with this idea. just shoved it on me and shook me awake. so, best to start somewhere, i guess?
> 
> anyway here's probably the millionth fic in the Ned tag about dysphoria  
> (he deserves better than this.)

"So may I ask why?"

Ned doesn’t look up at Jacob just yet, still rubbing the skin of his wrists, which had gone red after he tried and failed to get the cuffs off. "Why what?"

"Why the police would arrest a woman like you."

And everything stopped, paused, for just a brief moment, and just as quickly as the deafening silence came, everything shook in a never ending quake. His hand still wrapped around his wrist couldn't leave, trembling far too much for him to do anything but stay as still as possible. He was frozen in place, too scared to move, afraid of what might happen if he _did_ move, when it felt like his ribcage was rattling and he struggled to breathe, and he was so lightheaded and dizzy and could hear nothing but white noise. The horror coursing through him only heightened, his eyes going wet with tears, when the cloth he'd wrapped tight around his chest somehow began to loosen by itself.

_No_. No, no no n _o no no no no_

His eyes shot up to look at Jacob, as if to ask him what he meant, ask him to repeat what he said, _ask him if he really only saw him as a woman_ , and he hadn't realized he'd screamed until a jolt ran through him and the fall to the pavement shut him up, the tall shadow replacing Jacob (or _was_ Jacob?) standing over him.

Then it was gone. Or it got bigger? Darkness swallowed everything around them. The people on the streets, the carriages, the buildings, the sky —

He opened his eyes and couldn't ignore the feeling of his breasts rising and falling to his rapid, terrified, trembling breaths.

Recognizing the room he was in as his own, that the memory his head decided to twist into a nightmare happened several nights ago and hadn't gone how he thought it did, he screwed his eyes shut and dropped his head back against the pillow.

"Fuck."

It felt like a strangled yell, a scream that should reverberate in the room and shake the walls, but it wasn't. Just an exhausted curse under his breath as his breathing slowly began to calm down.

" _Fuck_."

Ned had no idea what he was feeling right now. Something like a grotesque mixture of relief and terror and _what if?_ and...

He opened his eyes again, watching his curtains billowing in the evening's cold wind, and imagined the man in the coat and the cap climbing through skillfully and greeting him with a grin and a new favor to ask for, as he always did. And he sighed, closing his eyes again as his breathing finally evened.

...exhaustion. He was exhausted too.

(From what?)

He turned over, away from the window, cocooning himself in blankets as he faced the wall. The feeling of his breasts bunching up together, he decided not to ignore; instead greeting it like an old, retired rival.

_Hey. It's you again._

If nothing else, he could try to at least exist with it tonight, if only in the hopes that he could go back to sleep and dream of nothing.


End file.
